Fighting Fate Itself
by ILovDrama
Summary: For the first time in his entire life did Ichigo actually appreciate the rain. The raindrops hid his tears as he smiled into the sky, welcoming the oblivion that awaited him. -Time-Travel Fix-It -Ichigo-centric -Post-TYBW -Minor Background Parings (Inoue Orihime/Ishida Uryuu, Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Rukia, Shihouin Yoruichi/Urahara Kisuke, Ichimaru Gin/Matsumoto Rangiku)
1. The End Leading To A New Beginning

Author's Note:

So I'm just going to say this now, this first arc is going to mostly be angst. There is going to be gore, PTSD, and body horror. Ichigo also isn't paired with anyone, this is non-negotiable. I can't promise to update fast but I'll do the best I can. I already made the first 4 chapters so enjoy. I post on AO3 as well under the same title and username. I'll put translations at the bottom. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

* * *

The smell of blood and smoke permeated the air. Crumbling buildings weakened as the rubble of the warzone started to tremble. After almost 14 years of unending carnage to not only the Seireitei but all of Soul Society. The clouds overhead have been painted blood red as smoke rose from the fires still burning on top of dead bodies, both enemies and allies. In the glimmer of the flames, one could make out an eye-catching orange. A color that had no place being in a place filled with such death and destruction.

In a clearing, where all had been decimated within a 70-meter radius a shinigami lay. Upon closer inspection, one would see multiple cuts and gashes that were bordering the line of being fatal. Blue lines underneath pale skin could be seen on anything uncovered by his haori and shihakusho. The most striking aspect of the man was not his hair color but his eyes. Once amber eyes filled with warmth and innocence were now dead bloodshot orbs of brown. Eyes that told the tale of never-ending guilt and grief. Eyes that had a way of holding so much emotion but at the same time, none at all. The figure itself could be described as nothing but tired. As if the world that had once held itself on his shoulders had now left. Leaving nothing but a beaten, broken, and torn soul that had no reason to keep holding on to the feeble strands on life.

Not that Ichigo could deny it.

' This is it' , he thought, ' 14 years of fighting, 14 years of pain and loss, 14 years of hiding and planning, all for this. Both Aizen and Yhwach may be dead but they didn't go down alone. ' Glancing around the clearing, he could see the charred bodies of both friend and foe. Despite their differences in species and mentalities, they all died the same, in pure unadulterated agony. Their faces would forever be seared into the broken man's mind.

Closing his eyes, he let himself imagine the impossible, where all of his friends and family weren't truly dead and that at any second would walk up to him. Uryu would push up his glasses and insult his Blut Vene, mumbling in exasperation on how they were related. Orihime would come up beside the Quincy and heal the orange-haired shinigami's staunch wounds and babble on about a new recipe she created with salmon and jelly. Chad would just stand there as silent as always but the expression on his face would be one of relief, that they were all still in one piece and that he would get to fight alongside his best friend again. Rukia and Renji would be teasing him on how horrible his Kido was and how he was ruining the title of Soutaicho. The war-hero would just brush off the insults and retort with one of his own.

After Ichigo would be able to move they would go to his house in Karakura and they would all eat a meal from Yuzu. Joking around and celebrating their victory, they would just enjoy each other's company. Goat-Face would of course butt himself into the conversation and wildly exclaim of his escapades in his youth. Then trying to surprise attack him, which hasn't worked since he was 9, and whimper pathetically on the ground when he was given a savage kick to the face. Goat-Chin would make a scene as he cried to his giant poster of Masaki until Karin would cuff the back of the idiot's head and mumble a few colorful phrases that she most likely learned from her brother. Yuzu would then berate the three of them, threatening them with no dessert if they continued their antics. Laughing, they would all put this dark chapter of their lives behind them and enjoy the peace after war.

But then Ichigo opened his eyes and all he would see were charred corpses and the rotting bodies of quincies, hollows, and shinigami. In life, they may have been on different sides but in death, their souls all faded into nothing, never to be reincarnated or become a soul. The irony brought a small smile to the man as he chuckled, which caused a bout of racketing coughs.

' I guess this is the end, no afterlife just nothingness. ', surprisingly the thought put Ichigo at peace. ' Maybe, I can finally stop feeling so tired and numb. Maybe the constant ache in my soul will finally recede, even if just by a tiny bit. ' The war-hero winced a second after. ' No ', he thought, ' I can never let this guilt go, I deserve it after all. With all I've done, I should be receiving much more than this. Nothing could make up for the crimes I've committed. My soul deserves this never-ending pain and loss. I couldn't save any of them in the end. Not a single soul. Not. A. SINGLE. SOUL! '

'AIBOU STOP!' , a dual-toned warble yelled in his mindscape, 'Both Ossan and I have been listening to your self-deprecating whining for the last whatever minutes and it is NOT TRUE ! How many times do I have to beat it in your goddamn skull that you've done more for them than they ever deserved. You've destroyed your inner world, subjecting yourself to things that people never experience for LIFETIMES ! Unless you get your shit together I'm taking over your goddamn body and NEVER giving it back!'

' Go ahead Zangetsu. ', the war-hardened man replied wearily, shocking his zanpakuto spirit. ' We both know that you couldn't do anything worse to me that I haven't already suffered.' Shiro didn't want to admit it but he was right, his Aibou had suffered too much to be affected by his half-hearted taunts anymore.

' Ichigo. I always tried to shield you away from the path of a shinigami. Thinking that if I just gave you enough power to survive then you would eventually lose interest and live out your human life. I always thought that you would be happier that way. Then you proved me wrong, you fought anyway and from that moment I knew. Like the tide, you cannot stop it from crashing amongst the shore. I knew could not shelter you anymore. So I told you the truth much too late and because of my error, you have become this. Do not blame yourself Ichigo, if anyone is to blame, it would be me. You can curse me to hell and back and that would be ok but please Ichigo. Do not blame yourself for my failures. '

It was the most Ossan has spoken in the last 6 years of this cursed war and his words seared his heart like the acid of the Vasto Lorde hollows he'd fight day-in and day-out. ' No, Ossan please, you are not the one to blame. Don't go on saying that you could have taught me better! It was my bull-headed actions that got us into this shit. That made us lose hundreds on the battlefield. That caused unimaginable grief onto my comrades. That trapped us in that- in that- ', Ichigo faltered for a split-second, pain and fear flashed in his eyes before being replaced by resolve and grim determination. ' That place… Where we were beaten and experimented on. I still don't know to this day why you both still stay with me. No, before you start, I am fully aware of the fact that we share the same soul but… why did you have to be paired with a ruined soul such a mine. '

The silence after his internal speech resounded across the clearing. Wind blowing through his hair and the rubble at his feet.

'Listen here you little shi-', the hollow was cut mid-thought as the world trembled. Buildings that were only standing by sticks collapsed and dust and ash flew into the already smoky air. Ichigo sat up, looking at his surroundings and fled. He didn't know where he could go. There was nowhere left to hide as all the four realms were about to collide and mark the end of all things. So he decided to go to the one place he felt his soul could rest in peace at.

Shunpoing across the war-torn terrain, Ichigo scanned the area searching for the one patch of land that was not affected by the battles fought around it. ' It's still here. ', he thought as he spotted it. It was more than just a patch of land underneath a crumbling building. This was the last place he saw all of his family and friends alive.

*Flashback*

It was after a raid onto the Quincy base encampment near Sakahone in the Eastern Rukongai, back when the second war was just beginning. When the Seireitei was still standing strong. Occupying most of the souls who were living in the Rukongai before. (Later they regretted putting all those souls in one place) They were successful in destroying the Quincy's base of operations and were celebrating together. Someone was able to convince Shiro to cook again, which may or may not have included the puppy-dog eyes from both Yuzu and Karin. (Thinking of their names, even after all these years, still sent one of Toshiro's ice lances through Ichigo's grief-stricken heart.)

When Ossan… left, and Ichigo would get severely injured on solo missions Shiro would have to step in to make sure Ichigo wouldn't starve himself. If not from his injuries but from the extreme guilt that always hung in Ichigo's heart every time a comrade died on his watch. After Ichigo began to make that a common practice, Shiro had to step in again and again. (Ichigo would forever be grateful that Shiro never once teased the orange-haired man for his weakness in front of the spirit. He would taunt him at times but Ichigo was always able to see through the hollow's facade. His zanpakuto only did it to try to make Ichigo feel something other than his crippling loneliness and regret.)

When Shiro was finished cooking they all gathered and sat together on the grass outside. Ichigo would always remember that it was such a sunny day that morning. Hiyori started insulting Shinji as usual and of course, Shinji replied in kind. Their squabbling continued until one of them knocked down one of the pots filled with stew.

Even Hiyori fled whenever Shiro gained a psychotic grin and chased after the two, swearing that their deaths would be long and painful. It may not be common knowledge but Shiro prided in his cooking. Because even though the spirit would never admit it, Shiro enjoyed having something that put smiles on people's faces and not looks of fear and horror. (However, he still enjoyed faces full of pain and agony because the hollow would forever be a sadistic little shit) So when anyone but Ichigo and his sisters knock down one of his dishes, unholy amounts of agony awaited them.

It took the combined effort from Yuzu and Karin to calm the hollow. Saying soothing things such as, "Don't worry I'm sure that if we work together we can make the stew again in no time flat." and "Yeah and we can stage a little ' accident ' involving them later." Shiro grinned down at them devilishly at the second comment which most likely came from Karin.

Shiro and Yuzu went back into the kitchen and not 15 minutes later, came out with another cauldron of stew. After placing the pot down on the grass, the spirit and Karin started scheming something evil in the corner. Shinji was already sweating and despite her rough exterior, Hiyori was feeling the same. Everyone knew that when Karin and Shiro teamed up, it always ended in pure havoc and chaos. Renji and the others were already starting to place bets on when the two Visord's punishment will come.

The rest of the picnic went by in a flash and soon, it was dusk. With the sun slowly sinking below the horizon, they packed up their belongings and went back inside. It wasn't until midnight exact, (Ichigo knew this because he never was able to sleep much due to the horrifying nightmares that plagued him throughout the night) that they heard both Hiyori's and Shinji's high pitched screams echoing through their encampment. He later heard a victory shout from both Ikkaku's and Shunsui's rooms and defeated groans throughout the building. With the occasional sound of crying from Isshin's and Getaboshi's rooms.

It was one of Ichigo's favorite memories. The day after was one of his worst.

The Quincies decided to stage their counterattack as a hit-and-run when they least expected it. Raining several dozens of arrows upon their heads they made sure to cause an unavoidable distraction while some of their soldiers went into the base encampment and killed all the injured. It was that day that they learned to never all fight as one. Easier to slip past the cracks that way. It was the first time Ichigo lost close friends to the hands of the enemy.

It was raining the next day when they buried Yumichika and Chad. Which they would soon regret. (Giselle always had a knack for finding dead bodies)

For the next few weeks after the ambush, they all fought like hell. Slaughtering all enemies in their way. Ichigo was the worst of them. He went without food, water or rest for weeks on end. It wasn't until Shiro took control of his body and forced himself to be trapped in multiple kido barriers, courtesy of Hachi and Tessai, and pulled him into unconsciousness that he finally slept.

It would be the most amount of sleep he would get at once in a long, long time.

*End Flashback*

Ichigo silently grieved at the memory, feeling an old wound being opened again. The hybrid moved towards the last standing building and sat on the dead grass. Another earthquake shook the world as the end grew closer and closer.

Ichigo his breath hitched as he laid down, starting to feel all the injuries that were ignored by adrenaline earlier. He looked up at the blood-red sky that had begun to drizzle and thought, ' At least it is better than the pouring rain.' Settling into the decaying foliage around him he thought about how he had gotten to this point. All he could remember was his failure.

Failing to save his mother at 9, failing to shield his friends from the spiritual world, failing to follow instructions which caused mass losses on their side later, and the sin that would forever carve itself to him and his name. Failing to be the protector his mother always wanted him to be.

"I don't deserve the name you gave me.", the orange-haired shinigami spoke aloud for the very first time in months. (If you didn't count his screams as words) "I only leave pain and destruction for those around me. If you were here I know you would have been disappointed in everything I've done. I tried so hard but, I'm also oh so tired. Tired of being the one always depended upon, tired of the nightmares and memories that haunt my every waking moment, tired of having to carry the world's burdens on my shoulders alone. I HATE MYSELF BECAUSE OF THIS! I DESERVE THIS! I DID THIS! I DID THIS! I practically murdered them all with my own hands. It's not like my hands aren't already soaked in blood. But know this, if I had a chance to change this. To change this twisted future, I would take it. I don't care if I would have to eviscerate my own soul to do it. It would probably be an easier fate than this torturous existence. Of being the last one standing. I hope wherever you are, it is a better place than this. You don't deserve to suffer for my mistakes. Goodbye Okasan."

While he was speaking it had begun to pour, thunder booming as lightning ricocheted across the clouds. For the first time in his entire life did Ichigo appreciate the rain. The raindrops hid his tears as he smiled into the sky, welcoming the oblivion that awaited him.

In the hybrid's inner world his zanpakuto spirits watched on silently until they materialized beside their wielder in his final moments. (Linking their hands together as if to say that they came into this world together, so they would leave in the same fashion.) They too were grateful for the rain.

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Author Note:

For those you don't know:

The most formal honorific suffix is -sama, and it's used for God (kami-sama) and royalty (ohime-sama).  
The most common formal honorific is -san, and it translates (approximately) to Ms. and Mr.  
Chan is an endearing female honorific. While it's most commonly used for children, it's also used fairly widely among family and friends. You can also use –chan for males.  
This is the male equivalent of –chan; it's used for kids and between peers and friends.  
Sensei: Used for teachers  
Senpai: Used to refer to upperclassmen in school or a sports club.  
Okasan means mother, Oto-san means father, Oba-san means grandmother or aunt, Oji-san means grandfather or uncle, Onii-san/Nii-san means older brother and One-san/Ne-san means older sister.  
To say mother informally is Ka-chan or Ka-san, saying father informally is To-san. Grandmother is Oba-chan and grandfather is Oji-chan. All other names are still the same informally.  
Taicho means captain and Soutaicho means Captain Commander.  
Aibou means king.  
Ossan means Old Man.  
Getaboshi means Hat-and-Clogs.


	2. Illusion or Reality?

**A/N: So I'm not dead. Hooray. Sorry for the long wait, to be completely honest the formatting for is a nightmare for me which is why I post more on AO3 than here. If you wanted to just keep reading I'd suggest going to the AO3 version but be warned, these chapters are at least somewhat revised a bit, the other chapters aren't. But it is still the same story. Continue to read here if you'd like, I promise that I'll update here more often. I'd also like to thank the people who are giving my fanfic a chance, I know it's a bit slow-going and it is going to get worse before it gets better but please put up with it for a bit. Anyway, enough of this boring chatter, enjoy the chapter! **

**Disclaimer: ... You already know what I'm going to say here but I'll say it again. I, by no means, own Bleach. Carry on. **

* * *

It was a sunny morning, perfect weather for a stroll in Kaien's opinion. He took his usual route and walked along the freshwater stream leading from the manor into the forest. Sunlight glinting off the slight waves in the river, he admired the sight around him. This was one of his favorite places to be, away from the paperwork his Captain and Clan piled him with. Away from the responsibilities of being an older brother, Clan Head, and new Fukutaicho of the 13th. Away from reality itself. It was a guilty pleasure so his visits were few and far between. As Kaien marveled at the thriving landscape, he noticed something that was never there before.

After visiting this place every so often, Kaien knew that even if the forest was hit by the pelting rain, chilling frost, or forceful wind, the woods would stay the same. It was part of the reason Kaien was so fond of it. Which is why when he spotted a shrub of bright orange near the trunk of a tree nearby, Kaien immediately went to investigate.

Nearing the spruce tree, Kaien noticed it was not a shrub but hair. Which was then connected to a head and a body. The fukutaicho nearly jumped out of his skin when he'd noticed. Upon closer inspection, the Shiba noticed that the stranger was fast-asleep, or at least that's what he thought at first. Until he noticed the still-bleeding fatal wounds that were slowly leeching the boy's reiryoku.

In a flash, the kind-hearted Clan Head quickly brought the boy, who looked no older than 17, bridal style back to the manor. Not even noticing the startling resemblance the two carried.

* * *

When Ichigo was finally roused into consciousness, he noticed that he was comfortably placed into a soft bed with cushions and blankets surrounding him. The man's half-awake brain relished in the warmth, having not slept in a proper bed in years. (It may be a desert in Hueco Mundo, but its sand was always freezing.) A split-second later, Ichigo's rationality reconnected and went into overdrive.

Jumping out of the small futon, he scanned the room for Zangetsu. Relief flooded the features of his still stoic face though to an outsider his eyes are the only tell. He shunpoed across the room and sheathed his swords that glowed slightly in gratitude. Like Ichigo, they didn't like being separated. 14 years of hardships and oppression would do that to anyone though he couldn't complain, he'd lost that privilege after what he'd done. The hybrid then scanned his surroundings, knowing better than to let his guard down in an unfamiliar place.

However, there were none in his vicinity. He was in a blank room with little furniture and styled after feudal Japan. Polished wood across the floor with open windows that showed the garden his captors had flourished. Favoring an open terrain, Ichigo threw himself out the open window and landed gracefully.

The garden itself was truly a sight to see. All assortments of flowers, some he had never seen before, were gathered in an array of beautiful colors. It was something you would see out of a picture book. There were daffodils, tulips, lilies, daisies, and orchids surrounded him. '_Is this the afterlife?_', was the hybrid's first thought but he soon dispelled it because he knew what the afterlife was like, and it was no fantasy like this. But it didn't solve the fact that he was in a place that was untarnished by war and bloodshed. The garden was thriving as if it didn't ever experience the droughts and wildfires that destroyed most of the land in Soul Society and the Living World.

'_Do not let yourself be fooled Ichigo. This could easily be a trick from Kyoka Suigetsu. I know that we killed him long ago but it is the only possible reason for this. You've felt how realistic that Arsch's illusions could be. I've taught you better than to let your guard down in an unfamiliar situation._', Ossan reverberated in his mindscape. Ignoring the choice word his spirit used to describe the megalomaniac, Ichigo kept up his guard. The white-knuckled grip on his khyber blade not relenting.

One of the best ways to sense if there was an illusion was to test the reiastu around him. When you fight an enemy for so long, their reiatsu becomes imprinted upon one's mind forever. Before, figuring out if it was an illusion was the main problem. (_Something he learned how to do after being tricked into killing his own comrade, Kami did that memory claw at him unrelentingly when he'd let it._) Now, it was figuring out where the bastard was. Once Aizen realized that the orange-haired shinigami could figure out if the illusion was real or not, he learned to spread out his reiatsu out thin so Ichigo couldn't pinpoint a location. It goes without saying that after so much practice in this field, his reikaku skills improved drastically.

Reaching his reiatsu out, the hybrid nearly had a heart attack. '_I'm in Soul Society._', the war-hardened man blinked away the shock, '_This can't be, Soul Society never looked like this even when I first visited._ (_More like invaded_) _I can't sense even a bare strand of the Hogyoku's reiryoku. Could it be that he finally learned a way to block my sensing ability?_'

Ichigo began to feel his breath quicken as memories of the past resurfaced. **_theylockedmeintoaroom,someonepleasehelpIcan't_TAKEIT_. ipromisei'llbegoodjustpleaseletmesavethem. Nonononononononotheycan'tbegone. _YOUKILLEDTHEM_, _HOWCOULDYOU!_ i'msorry,i'msorry,i'msorry,i'msorry. Whatwasmynameagain? It'sbeensomanyyears. ithink,ithinkitwas-_**

'_ICHIGO, FOCUS! Your panic is blinding your senses. Don't bury yourself in memories of things far past. Or have you already forgotten our resolve? Retreat and you will age-_ ', ' _Hesitate and I will die. I know Ossan, I just lost myself for a moment, I'll try to focus better this time. ' Cramming all the dark thoughts to the corner of his mind to deal with later,_ (_Preferably in a soundproof room where he can scream and pull out his hair as the pain grounded him when he had yet another pathetic mental breakdown._) _Ichigo decided to also explore the area to get an idea of where he was._

Cautiously making his way through the flowers, the orange-haired shinigami stretched his reiatsu out again with a more stable and precise mind. The shock earlier made him entirely forget how to use reikaku correctly. Pure black tendrils reached out and slinked through the air, as if they were searching for something, then suddenly stopped. Bloodshot eyes flew open and yet again Ichigo was too shocked to speak. He could feel their reiatsu, the reiatsu of his comrades. Shinji, Kisuke, Yoruichi, Shunsui, Ukitake, Byakuya, all of them. He could even sense Yamamoto's impressive reiatsu. The surprise and disbelief he felt melted away a second later.

'_It's him, he is alive but-, but it can't be true. I killed him-_', **'We did more than kill him Aibou. Mutilate and eviscerate is more accurate. And I would be more than glad to do even worse a second time if he somehow survived the first.'**, his hollow interrupted. '_But I made sure he couldn't be revived, I used a Gran Rey Cero on his corpse then- then I-, Shiro I saw his **brain matter**. Kisuke then sealed the Hogykou, there is just no way he could have survived that._', the hybrid retorted back to the spirit. '_Stop. The technicalities here aren't important. We are still within a compound captured, Ichigo. You need to figure out whether or not Aizen even though his reiatsu isn't even nearby. However, escaping should be the top priority._', Ossan scolded.

Deciding to leave the matter for another time, the man was about to head towards a side gate that led outside, (_The no-longer substitute shinigami already made a list of possible escape routes on the way in. He wasn't a greenhorn after all._) until he heard a gasp behind him. While processing the information that was too much at once he failed to notice the small spark of reiryoku coming around the corner.

Internally berating himself for his mistake, while Shiro laughed his ass off at his demise, the hybrid turned around. Swords in hand and poised to slit the soul's throat, he glared at his maybe-enemy. That was until he got a good look at the man's face. Like his inner hollow, the man was almost identical in looks but this time the only things that were off-color were his eyes and hair. Dark raven spiked locks with startling aquamarine eyes that were currently staring at his own in shock. Bringing his sword back down to his waist, to Shiro's discontent, Ichigo stared back.

The shinigami (_Once Ichigo got a good look at him, he recognized the shihakusho immediately_) took a step back then nervously coughed into his hand and began to speak. "Um, hello. Nice to finally meet you, total stranger. I see you found Okaasan's garden. All the flowers are blooming this time of year and it's truly a sight to see.", the shinigami faced the garden a gentle smile on his face. "My favorite was always the waterlilies, though snowdrops have always been a close second."

Turning back to the orange-haired man he continued, "I know this is a shock and all. Waking up in a random bed, in a random house, and then listening to a stranger ramble on about flowers. So let's head inside in a better setting, then I can fill you in.", suddenly the raven-haired man's expression morphed from childish glee to a smile bearing more teeth and warning than before, "And after maybe you can enlighten me as to why you are wearing the Soutaicho's haori."

His captor suddenly wiped the expression and replaced it with his now signature grin. ('_This man had as extreme mood swings as Shiro_', he pondered inwardly.) The ravenette only motioned once in the manor's direction and walked back inside. After a split-second of deliberation, Ichigo stiffened and grim resolve filtered throughout his face as he followed the raven-headed man inside. Not looking forward to the conversation and the lies he'd have to tell.

* * *

**A/N: And that's chapter two, my shortest up to date but don't worry I'll post again soon. BTW Ossan curses in German, bet you guys didn't expect that! Arsch means asshole FYI but I'm not fluent in German so people who are, please correct me if I'm wrong. Thank you for reading and reviews are appreciated.**


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